literature

Loud

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PhanAwesomeness's avatar
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Literature Text

“There's no excuse.”


Jarring noise scrapes my consciousness  

(like a wound without a cut)

Desperate hands pressed against my ears

(there’s a twisting in my gut)

Sweat leaving my body clammy

(suffocating, my soul is breaking)

Heart hammering, faster than light speed

(why are both my hands shaking?)

My head, ears, throbbing in anguish

(twisting the knife that no one else sees)

Confused stares piercing my skin

(i’m wrong, they know, their gaze has unease)

Overwhelmed, it is all too much

(i’m drowning in sound, headaches, stares)

Trapped, if I leave I’m in trouble

(the room is spinning, the teachers don’t care)

Agony, my ears, head, spirit

(why can't i just be normal?)


But there's no excuse,


right?
EDITED 2/2/18: Changed some stuff in the poem
This is a vent thing I made after being forced into the gym for a pep rally at my school. I tried multiple times to get the teacher to let me (and my two friends, who also had legitimate medical reasons, that I will not disclose here because I do not have either of their permission, as to why they did not want to attend the pep rally) (both conditions could be triggered by loud noise, though their reasons were different than mine) to sit by the doors of the gym, where there were many teachers to supervise. At my last attempt to get out of being forced into the gym, the teacher told me "There's no excuse," hence the quote in the poem.

This was a painful experience for me because I have sensory processing disorder (people often associate it with autism, but it's common with ADHD and anxiety as well), which can make sounds (as well as other things, like textures) very painful. The pep rally also affected me after the fact, as it made me really disoriented, so I had to sit in a quiet stairwell to try and calm my senses. Even still, I wasn't able to perform as well in my classes afterwards (my energy was shot, I mostly just stared blankly into space), and when I got home, I went straight to bed (going to bed is the best way to deal with overload for me), even though I had slept enough the night before.

I guess what I want people to realize by reading this is that, sometimes, people do have an excuse. Additionally, I never want anyone else to have to go through the same thing. By writing this, I also want to convey what a sensory overload is like, which can be hard to explain if you haven't experienced it.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Be sure to comment or fav!
© 2017 - 2024 PhanAwesomeness
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Suvi-Iloa's avatar
Well written :clap: I´m sorry you had such  horrible experience with the teachers.